balancing

This past week or so, has brought a renewal in me that I hope I keep--going. I had had fun with my family and also attending my cousin's wedding shower. Had my massage Tuesday afternoon with Ruth. I was able to step into the sauna for a few minutes before it, and it made a difference! I totally fell asleep also, because I had had less than six hours two nights before. Was worrying about my relationship with Mike.

I was lucky that work was not complicated last week. Made Mike dinner Wednesday night before I left for Breckenridge. He is working hard to get into better shape. So, I am keeping my fingers crossed. :)

Have been super late to the trainer the past few months. But I hope to remedy that by guarding my boundaries more at work with the patients.

Flew on United to Denver at 6:25 am, and got there around 945. Took the Colorado Mountain Express shuttle to Breck, and was deposited at Mountain Thunder Lodge. A new location for the Balance Conference this year, because of renovations at the Village at Breckenridge. Slept on the plane, slept on the shuttle.

Saw Dorry Parker and her fiancee David shortly after I checked in--then grabbed crepes and a peach smoothie at Lafrancaise bakery. It was quite a brisk walk at 9000 feet altitude! I was huffing at 100 feet or less. Took pics then along the way. Such a beautiful quaint picturesque town.

All the familiar faces at the conference was such a joy in itself. We started with Max Regan's writing class (http://www.hollowdeckpress.com/home.html). The conference's theme was "Community, Continuity, and Celebration"--in honor of their 20th anniversary. So he spoke on creative writing and journaling to help patients and to help ourselves to avoid stress and burnout. We shared a few of our stories from this past year. Max always has wonderful insight and suggestions for our writings, and especially good jumping off points. At the writing workship on Saturday afternoon, I discovered my secret loathing of school. =P

We had Welcome and then discussion of the history of the conference, which started in 1991 after two years of the Balance magazine for female physicians. The same topics they discussed the first time, bears repeating, even now. Janet Shepherd, MD, wrote about the female physician role and Mother Teresa. We some about the history of women in medicine and a couple wiser ones shared their experiences.

Elizabeth Dixon spoke with us about caregiver stress/trauma, and we did a couple meditations - one visual, and one seated. Cecily McGaw taught us some techniques to re-energize and to calm; and we reviewed neurology--with the thumb as the amygdala and the top of the hand the prefrontal cortex. We had a group dinner that evening; Nasim could not do her full shindig due to Ramadan and she brought in some yummy potato cakes. We had Martha's pasta, Doris explained we had some vegetarian sauce with soy protein, and also a separate one with meatballs. I had forgotten that a few of us are vegetarians.

After our bellies were full, Rohini Kannaganti led us in a round of "Name your favorite insect/invertebrate for Mochi". She sang Mochi to the tune of Snoopy Come Home. Hilarious. Jane was cracking up; she shared her story about mochi--and the deep fried mochi.

We had a butterfly, earthworm, ladybug, squid, monarch butterfly, honeybee, ant, walking stick, preying mantis, and more. Then Martha suggested we do a progressive fairytale. Some people were talking about how fairytales were dark and horrible.

We told a tale about a girl who lived near the saltmines who was on a quest to find her twin sister. She went to the forest and ran into a bear. She promptly ran away and found a castle. A giant toad asked for a kiss in exchange for information about her sister. The girl refused and went back across the moat, to find reinforcements. She found the bear and explained the situation, and then also a lion and a tiger. (A lion, a tiger, a bear, - "Oh my!") They ended up going to the saltmines and discovered a beautiful toilet. But it got sucked up into a black hole. The saltmines had a clue about the girl's twin.

So they sought out a professor who had studied saltmines, black holes; and also mentioned the giant toad. The toad happened to be Professor Sodiummeister's cursed son. Professor Sodiumeister contacted a professor friend in Iceland who had cursed Sodiumeister's son. Therefore, he couldn't discuss the topic at hand.

Discouraged, the girl went back to the castle with her lion, tiger, and bear "Oh my!", to confront the toad.

Nasim ended the story; and the prince did get married, and the sister did find her twin in a spaceship that was in the castle that contained the saltmines and her twin sister.

Went to yoga each morning in Breck--by our regular friend, Wendy. I love savasana after all the poses are done!

Saturday, we discussed addiction and how to detoxify, and when to intervene. Dr. Libby works in a prison juvenile offenders.

I had better sleep! More later. Saw Eat, Pray, Love tonight at the movies, and it was an appropriate end to a wonderful long weekend.

More later,
D

I did not take notes.

So, the last time I wrote notes at a funeral was when I was attending my third-grade teacher's service at Vallejo Drive. Weirdly, Mel was doing the same thing. We loved these little unknown details about someone who was in our lives. Had also attended a funeral of a dear church friend the same day.

And here we go again. Launch--- Mel texted me Thursday afternoon, July 1. Ken Arrogante and his wife and daughter were killed in a car accident. (I found out later that Jannel was severely injured and had surgery, but survived.) I was with my friend Stacy and we had just finished walking. I could not drive home--not that second anyway.

We had takeout Thai food and my shaking had stopped enough for me to drive. At home, I continued looking blankly at Ken's Facebook page. My brother Mark later noted, the comments on the last picture Ken posted of daughter Jannel and nephew Jhun, Day 1..June 30, 9:00 pm.. Our journey begins.. General conference (Atlanta, GA) bound.

Later, I read the article online about the accident by googling Ken's name. I was shocked, but then, I was really angry. Maybe, I still am.

Last Friday, Mark and I made it to the memorial service and talked with Ken's cousin, Andy--Mark's friend. We also said hello to the Anacayas, and few of Mark's barcada at La Sierra U. back in the day. Talked to Duane Tan also, who worked with Ken more than two years at LLU. He said that when he hung out with Ken, he would always stop to talk to someone he knows.

Sabbath at Central Filipino Church, I was still shocked that Pastor (Kuya) Ariel had died. Then I started to cry in the lobby. I am still saddened. The shocked feeling is still there, even though he had been diagnosed with colon cancer over two years ago. (The music was beautiful Kuya! I know you will watch/hear it some day on God's DVD player. ;) )

Early Sunday morning, I got ready to drive back up to Loma Linda. Picked up Mike, and off we went.

The details are pretty blurry. I remember the microphone kept on going out, first on Pastor Belonio, then Pastor Ely Sacay. They replaced it. A prayer was said, Psalm 23, and 1 Thes. 4:16-18 read. Some wonderful choir music from Loma Linda Filipino Church including their AY Chorus, Pathfinder Choir, and also the Arrogante cousins ("Undivided"). Pastor Garry (Mupas) gave encouraging and comforting words. I guess most of all, that touched me, that always strikes a chord at funerals are the personal testimonies of those who loved and lost. Like when at Mother's or Father's Day or graduation Sabbaths, the children pay tributes to their parents.

Jocelyn's older brother Orlando--he lives in Sydney, Australia. He had only talked and seen Ken, his brother-in-law, via Skype. And one could tell, by their wedding photos and pictures together, that they were so in love. MFEO, and all that. That is Ken and Jocelyn, of course. Orlando spoke glowingly of his dear sister, the first child of his father's second marriage. I could tell Jocelyn was one of those people. Yeah, you know who I am talking about (*cough* Cealy Imperio Mercurio). Jocelyn's cousin Shirley talked about how she was a good listener and always there for her, no matter what. Steve Ungson told a funny story about how he and Ken got caught in a storm on a boat and got soaked! Because they were Filipino, they were naturally inclined to fish. JJ (Jacqueline Lamangan, Jocelyn's eldest daughter and mother of Alyssa) spoke about how her mother was so hard-working, and for a long while, it was just the three of them. They lived in South Lake Tahoe, Jocelyn working at a casino. She appreciated so much that Ken became her father. Ken, this threat, who was wooing her mother. JJ was naturally protective, but was won over by Ken.

Ken and Jocelyn had met, courtesy of eHarmony, in 2002 (?). When their courtship began, Jocelyn's car did not last long. They had it towed from LA to Murrieta, and they ended up buying a new car. He proposed in 2004, and they married September 2005. His younger brother Prince mentioned that Ken would shrug it off when people asked him about a girlfriend or getting married. Hmmm, not a familiar feeling at all.

That is what I remember. My heart feels extra heavy with tears not shed yet. For Pastor Roxas, for Ken and his wife, for their families and friends for their loss. In November-December 2006, I remember how David's (Santos') dad, Uncle Herming, and two others in my church family died and I attended four funerals in six weeks. With the fifth funeral, I did not go. It was just too much.

Ken and then, Kuya Ariel. My, oh my. Such great men for the Lord. Energy, love of life, zealous, mischievous. God's calling them home--their work is done.

I am on my way.

I started this journey in 2006, and was so intimidated by it, that I did not look at it again for several months. Then I started to learn how to do the required elements, and it made more sense. I have finished all my prerequisites tonight, and now, all I do is learn.

Intensely, succinctly, lazily, efficiently, and comprehensively--I think. It is funny how things come back to haunt you when you are older. Your youthful energy and curiosity now is a cherished memory; the ideology in that essay for graduate school.

I still love that I can enjoy the work that I chose over twenty years ago. Balance, balance.

I had better sleep.

At home sick

This is my fourth day off of work due to illness. I cannot fathom why today I feel the worst. It started almost a week ago with a sore throat, then the nasal congestion and runny nose. Though the malaise started Friday, it became worse Monday and today. I've only had some sweats here and there, no chills, and though I took 800 mg of ibuprofen an hour ago, I feel hot.

Horrible, horrible.

Mike and I are thinking about getting engaged. He wanted to look for a therapist so we could work on our communication issues. We have met twice with SB. We have done some talking and listening on our own also.

Work is going well, though I am also always trying harder to be more efficient.

I love LOVE my nephews and nieces. =)

"A lot has happened since I last wrote..."

I remember writing that phrase to one of my friends in particular. We were penpals for quite a while--hardly ever talking on the phone. Writing was quite the art, and it still is. I wonder some days if handwriting will be a lost art since they are teaching typing early in elementary school now. Or so I've heard.

My last day at work for the week is tomorrow. Then a long weekend at Comic-Con, joining the throngs of cool nerds, costumed wonderlings, artists, writers, actors, etc. I love it for some reasons, and hate it for others. I think about bringing a seat cushion, then hate dragging it around. I feel restless during those 3+ hours I may spend in Hall H, previewing movies, seeing the actors and actresses IN PERSON, remembering how my ears ached when the TWILIGHT panel came up (those screaming teenagers i.e. Beatlemania). Being impressed by the preview, but even now, not having watched the film or read the books, of which I own the latter--all four in the series.

I love the laughs, like when I attended the Big Bang Theory panel, or at the Charlie Brown panel where we heard voices from our childhood pull us back to remember when.

I keep forgetting to bring my camera, but maybe this year.

Time to cruise again!

My vacation is coming up in two weeks. I have to pack and do laundry, make sure I have enough memory cards/battery charger for my camera, etc. Listening to new music by the Mountain Goats, courtesy of Julie. It will be good to just relax and enjoy great music.

I may need a massage though, before the cruise. I am so tired and it will do me good.

Michael and I are going strong. He loves me so much, and I love him. He is still here despite the sharp remarks or crying spells. This past holiday season was fun, but went by too fast.

My cousins Nercy and Nelson moved down with their family back in May/June and I am visiting them a few times a month. I love having family nearby. I think they should have another date night though.

It's warm out because of the Santa Anas, and a nice high pressure system. I love living here.

Summer is almost over

I'm listening to a book on cd, Black Swan Green. It's about a 15-year-old boy coming-of-age. It's amusing, his little stories--the handicap of him stuttering, his view of the war in the Falkland Islands, learning about sex and having a crush on Dawn Madden, his interaction with others: the school principal, an older lady who shames him about his knowledge of poetry and literature, etc.

I have to go back to work soon. Life is pretty good. I am always craving more time--whether to sleep, spend with my family or boyfriend or friends.

More later,
Diane