A new beginning

Thank you, Lord.

It is a new beginning for me today.  I am happy and relieved that I am not bound by my feelings anymore and that I can move on.

I had a wonderful vacation in Italy and Greece and I come back to find that my feelings were unrequited.  That's okay, because God has a plan.  I see why my friend was in my life the past year and a half. :)

It was surreal being in the Sistine Chapel and staring at the ceiling.  There is something about art that has lived through the ages and depicts an interpretation of the Creation story and the Last Judgment.  Poor Michelangelo - not even a painter and didn't get paid by the Pope for all those years of work.

Seeing Oia's view was another moment I will never forget.  It was stunning to see the white buildings against the dark volcanic rock with the Aegean Sea in its scintillating dark blue waters below.  I can't thank Tessa enough for discovering her favorite destination and inviting me and her friends out to celebrate her birthday.  I felt like I was transported to another world out there.

Very excited about life.

D

Can't Smile Without You

You know I can't smile without you I can't smile without you I can't laugh and I can't sing I'm finding it hard to do anything You see I feel sad when you're sad I feel glad when you're glad If you only knew what I'm going through I just can't smile without you ~Barry Manilow Love is a precious, remarkable thing. I am happy woman today. My energy is as good as it could be and work was not stressful today. The computer was down and hopefully it will be back up tomorrow. The Padres are home, so I'm seeing all my boyfriends tonight and tomorrow. I have missed being at the ballpark the past 2-3 weeks. I am happy that Matthew is spending time with Russell. It's been a long drought, and I am sure Russell is happy, too. Yay!! What a beautiful day in San Diego!

It has been a while since I posted on this blog.  But I've still been writing.  To my friends and to my family--with emails, facebook messages, and the like.

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/dianewong

It bothered me Monday, that I was clearly agitated by the combination of fatigue, my left eye astigmatism, the little tingles in my finger tips, and my overall restlessness.  It was relieved by wearing my eyeglasses on Tuesday and Wednesday.  And now I can't find them.  I last had them on before my workout with Gabi yesterday evening, so they can't have wandered far.  Yes, they are in my car.

The restlessness I felt was relieved by standing up.  I think the chemotherapy or the Neulasta made me feel antsy that night, like my hands and feet weren't there.  Instead, they were wandering off on their own out-of-body experiences without me.

I am happy.  Someone out there likes me despite my breast cancer, and who is to believe one wouldn't.  But the view of myself is not that high, since my last two loves ultimately rejected me for something else.  I still can't believe it.

God is taking care of me in numerous ways, and I like being back at work and feeling useful to my patients.  Leaning on Him again is turning out to be just the thing I need.

A happy day

This morning I met up with my brother and his family at their hotel in La Jolla after picking up some yummy cranberry scones at Brick & Bell Cafe on Silverado. We had some breakfast before heading out to the zoo. It was my first time riding the bus for the tour at the zoo. Even though I am familiar with the layout, it was good to see the animals and a summary/preview of the days' events.

I went off to a tea party at a friend's place later, and it was good to have the girl talk with great food and the coconut and the rose champagne teas. We had some interesting conversations. Reluctant to leave and excited to return to seeing family, I back to the zoo to see the animals, Mr. Zoolittle, the view from the Skyfari, and also time at the Discovery Playground with Kristen, her folks, and her grandfolks.

Then a late dinner at the Fish Market on the water by the USS Midway.

Yeah, it was altogether happy.

P.S. Sam's not in the picture because he was replenishing our hydration cups before the bus tour.

A high

Went today after work to go bike shopping. Had been doing some online window shopping here & there since January. My trainer recommended UC Cyclery--and Dave helped me out. He has been working there for over 25 years. A snippet of advice from Je, and some from Pretty and ta dah! A white Specialized Vita Sport hybrid bike--the only one they had in stock in my size. I know the white is just asking for dirt and I would have loved to get an Elite.

(Is there such a thing as bike insurance?)

and I was able to get the bike rack I wanted. Yay!

Will test it out for a Sabbath jaunt among the paths tomorrow. Yay!

A Steady Pace

Spring forward. Indeed. My friend Victor had told me about the first San Diego Zoo Safari Park (formerly Wild Animal Park) Half-Marathon some months ago, and I signed up--even despite knowing that last night we lost an hour of sleep.

The stars were still brilliantly shining when I arrived at San Pasqual. I took a short nap while listening to Wally Lamb's The Hour I First Believed, chapter 31. Got my "racing" bib and checked in my gear.

When the opening sound to the run reverberated--just after a woman rendered the Star-Spangled Banner, the crowd began to move. I was in the bathroom and started 10 minutes late, but we were wearing a chip on shoe to accurately time our pace anyway.

I was very happy that I jogged most of the 13.1 miles. There was one long loop around and through the north part of the Park. I was looking for Victor, because he was about 5 minutes ahead of me at a 2-hour pace. He finished at just under 1:58.

The course was more hilly than I expected--it reminded me slightly of the mud run. I just walked those hills. Doing long distance run-walks are mainly "fun" for me. I don't do it to improve my fitness or my time. And I burst into song outloud--anything from "Tis So Sweet To Trust in Jesus" by PRISM to "Toxic" by Britney Spears, or "What Have I Done to Deserve This?" by Pet Shop Boys.

Jogging most of the way was a record for me. No shin splints. Slight tightening of my IT Band. But I made it--and spent the 1401 calories to do it. Thanks, God. You are my Rock.

faithful

When it is quiet, it is very easy to hear all that is noisy about life. There are thousands of women here at the Honda Center in Anaheim, CA. Women of Faith "Imagine" is the theme. I am a little cynical about life and people in general. While my career goes better because of empathy, I reluctantly use it in real life in some instances.

We have had two beyond excellent speakers today. I am grateful that Women of Faith brought them here. Marcus Buckingham is an inspirational speaker, born in England, now living in Los Angeles. He is so funny--I don't get every joke, but the France one, I got (Sorry,Jill.). He emphasizes our talents, what makes us unique and will help us interact with the world on a day-to-day level. He calls them strengths and wonders why most Americans would rather fix their weaknesses than focus on our strengths. God gave us all we need. All these wonderful qualities. For instance, when we were young, and parents looked at our report cards, they would fixate more on the F, than the A. He told us a story of his son when Jack was entering kindergarten. Not a fantastic artist, Jack's strengths are geared toward structure and math. He taught himself to read so he could understand baseball scores (at the age of 4).

His daughter, however, nurses her strength in "benevolent altruism". She is great with people for secondary gain. Her third goal for the first grade was "to stop fooling the teachers". When this was shown to her brother Jack, he said/thought, "What? You are not supposed to do that," and "Can teachers be fooled?"

Sheila Walsh had talked about Gideon in her first chat with us--urging us to trust. Gideon and the state of Israel did not trust God in the times after Joshua. So with 300 soldiers, God showed them what He could do.

Israel did not trust God.

Later, she told us about Mary, Martha, & Lazarus and their relationship with Jesus(John 11). One time He came too early, and another time He came too late. I saw the story with different eyes. The disciples said to Jesus, "You are going back to Judea, where they are threatening your life?" And He said yes, and Thomas said, "Let's go with Him."

Jesus' raising Lazarus from the dead was Jesus' last public appearance before He was betrayed.
Sheila talked about a couple interactions with women. One where she was headed to Bakersfield, CA, and her flight was delayed. She said to remain open to God's scheduling.

In line to transfer her ticket from the transit route being Phoenix to L.A., the couple in front of her were a minister and his wife. They were having trouble with their church, and the wife had said earlier that day, "Does God not know where I live anymore?"

"God never interrupts without a reason." -Sheila Walsh. She started singing "Jesus Loves Me" after she told us about another lady who had buried her three sons. We joined her when she sang the chorus. And I started crying.

I asked God, then, "Why have you sent me a life partner who hates or is indifferent to the One I love the most?". It gnaws at my spirit.

Marcus said that marriages work because of benevolent distortion: the most generous way of that person's behavior.  A deliberately skewing to positive.

Ahhhhh! So much packed into 3-4 hours so far.

I am so happy to be feeling so healthy.