Tree, Tree Falling...

Things don't have to be fragile. But sometimes, they just are. Then after they are broken, I just feel like pounding it like Miss Webb used to do with the tympani during one of our school band songs.

I've never been one to break off friendships. At times, I go above and beyond to keep in touch. I know some fantastic people--I just met them last year, all of them with their varied personalities and quirks. Tea and our organized leader create times to laugh and just catch up on our lives. Seeing the circle break in a couple of places is a little disheartening, but I understand why it had to be. But it would be better if it could mend in this season of peace.

In 2006, I decided I didn't want to be friends with this woman I had met in residency anymore. Culturally, she tends to be a very private person. And that's fine, but I had it one time when she asked me not to say something that would be public knowledge in a matter of weeks. I am fine with keeping secrets. But when she went back on her word to not make a decision until we met a week later with the group of physicians during our negotiations with our new employer, I really didn't respect her anymore. To me, she was being selfish, and self-preserving. And she didn't want to pay another cent to our group attorney either. And she said she wouldn't work for our new employer. Then went back on her word again.

I didn't talk to her for months afterwards, and now we occasionally chat on the phone. But to me, if friendship isn't going both ways, it's something that is difficult to maintain. Or even find enjoyment from.

Regarding my tree, I came home from L.A. yesterday, and it toppled over. Apparently the base is too small to keep the tree, which is crooked, up! I'll have to buy a new stand tomorrow. But I cleaned up the mess right away, like a good girl!

I'm back in a dating wasteland. Nothing! Tonight at the jazz concert where Due Duo were debuting their cd, December Stars, I first thought of what my life would be like, being childless. I pictured lots of time to read and play, travel and volunteer, write and create. But one of the greatest things of life, is to know the joy and pain of parenting. That bond is so strong--something I've appreciated from having such a large, extended family.

But now, I have sunk comfortably back into this loveliness of time to myself. I love these last days of autumn, before winter begins.

Go Chargers! ;o)